wedding o wedding, how i am starting to loathe thee.

Whoa.

I have been engaged for 3 months now.

Time sure does fly!

I realize that this wedding planning business is taking over my life.

I haven't really even done anything... just spent hours upon hours of TRYING to find the perfect venue.

For some reason I feel this immense pressure to make it exactly what I want and I know I am falling victim of the whole "bridezilla" faux pas.

I am even getting quite annoyed with myself... I can only imagine what the people around me are thinking.

I am being very picky and I am not helping the people who are trying to help me. 

They ask what I want and I simply do not know.

Well, I do. But I know it's not out there because I looked... time and time again. 

I swear if I have to look at herecomestheguide.com one more time I will torch my eyes. See? Now I'm just getting violent.

 Although I already knew this about myself, I am surprised at how much I am caring about everything.

I want it to be fun - a celebration of loooove.

But for me, part of the fun is being able to put my heart and soul into it.

I want those that will be there to think, "this is totally Alix and Kirk." 

So, yes I am having a hard time honing in on one place. Well, if I'm being completely honest, I am having a hard time finding any places to hone in on. 

Every place that I think I like has had serious issues that I just can't overlook:

1. It's too expensive.

2. Too far away.

3. Too big - since the guest list is only about 100 people, I really would hate to have a venue fit for 1,000 people. That would just be ridonculous.

4. Too ghetto. You'd be surprised at how many ghetto places I have seen.

5. It's a winery - call me a crazy mormon, but I think it may be a tad inappropriate to come straight from a temple ceremony to a winery. However, don't judge me if I end up using a winery for the venue... It hasn't been entirely ruled-out.

6. It's in the city. Apparently, going across the Bay Bridge during the weekend is a nightmare and you can never be sure of what the traffic may be like so the easiest thing to do is just say NO so San Francisco. But,  for me... this isn't all ruled-out either. Don't be surprised if the reception is in SF. 

I am feeling very discouraged at this point considering this whole trip to California was to find a wedding venue. I kept telling myself I wouldn't start the fun planning (decorations, dresses, flowers etc.) until I found the venue. Plus, I feel like those things would fall into place once a decision has been made on a location.

Are you sick of hearing about my wedding planning woes?

I am sick of talking about them, feeling them, sharing them, ignoring them...

I have deemed this task IMPOSSIBLE and I am beginning to consider eloping. I am being serious.

The only thing holding me back from running off into the sunset with my handsome fiance is the fact that all families may be devastated. There is no way we could really know for sure unless the action is made so I can't say that the outcome will be entirely sad.

I mean, we would be married after all.

Brides have told me that after a while, you start to think that you're just doing the whole wedding thing for everyone else... but then those people don't really end up caring a whole lot about it.

The guy who cuts Kirk's hair told him that him and his wife just sent out announcements and got married in the temple with close family members and a few friends and then went on their honeymoon and called it a day.

That option sounds the tastiest.