So I did something really depressing today.
No, I didn't re-watch those humane society commercials over and over again. No, I didn't watch Steel Magnolias or The Notebook.
I tried on bathing suits.
For fun.
Yeah.
That's an oxymoron.
What I was thinking, I may never understand.
All I know is that I came out of the dressing room feeling more depressed about my body than I have felt in a long time.
All I know is that I came out of the dressing room feeling more depressed about my body than I have felt in a long time.
I have grown to actually be very comfortable in my own skin. To embrace my curves.
Bathing suit season is just a blow to the ego.
However, I also walked out of that dressing room realizing where my so-called "PROBLEM" areas are (or in my case, my whole body) and am going to focus and hone in on those "areas" in the next couple of months. I felt a sense of encouragement.
It's not necessarily because I want to look good for everyone in a swim suit, although that kind of motivation doesn't hurt. It's more for myself. To be comfortable with myself in a swim suit. I want to not worry about what I look like, or what I am self conscience about while in one. I don't want to take away from the fun I could be having because I am worrying about my un-toned legs, or arms. (shame)
I'm not looking for drastic changes here. Like I said, I enjoy my curves and don't want that part of me to be gone.
I am just going to do things that make me feel good.
And that is all I am going to do.
It's too hard to change everything all at once for me.
It's a gradual, day to day sort of thing.
A reminder to not eat that extra cookie, I don't want it. (Yes, I do.)
Or eat even when I'm full. I am so guilty of this. So so SO guilty of this. I eat until I am sickeningly full; to the point where I am almost comatose. When this happens, all I can think that one deadly sin, gluttony. The word it self makes me think of just oozing out of bed every morning. Not something I really want.
What I do want is to be healthy.
And that is something I know can be done.
5 comments:
Oh my Alix. Love your body as it is! I know, crazy concept right? I completely understand wanting to tone here and there so you can be comfortable, I support that. But let me tell you, as someone who used to complain about my body quite a lot, I didn't know how good I had it until I had a baby. Seriously. Love it! Enjoy your skin sitting where it belongs. You have a great body and you know it! But I will agree, swim suits are designed to make us feel bad about ourselves.
got your comment written from your friend's blog. ha.
i think most girls feel the same way you do about bathing suits! and i think your right, once you feel as healthy as you can be, thats when you feel best about your body.. enjoy those cute curves!
okay here is what i think you should do. go buy all the ingredients for the green drink. have you tried it? and then make it. EVERY morning. really, it not only helps because its healthy but it makes you FEEL healthy. and you have more energy. even though i understand what you are saying and i want to make sure i'm being compassionate to what you don't like... i want you to know that i really think you have the cutest little petite body with FABULOUS curves. and i really do mean fabulous.
because you see remember that one day when i was talking about how even a person's body type and variations can tell you about their style AND personality? curves are friendly, angles are not. curves speak friendly, kind, approachable. and not to mention curves are the epitome of women! men love them too. hopes this all makes sense. anyway... i just love you ok?
oh! and maybe you should go to pandora and listen to the station "lenka" (not like my most favorite thing ever but very fun to clean to) and clean your room. grant always says to me "moving makes you motivated" which doesn't really apply to this post but it applies to us always wanting to be productive at the end of the day but grabbing the remote instead. this is random. bye
Heather,
Thank you for loving my body. I love you and your body as well. You had a child and that is more than I can say. I am very proud of you. I really am. And I don't know exactly what it's like to feel like your body is that different, HOWEVER I am remembering when I was in highschool and thinking I was fat. WTF. I was not fat. I would give anything to have that body. For real.
Brittany,
I am going to make that drink. I will try it. I really will. And thank you for making me love my curves. I think everyone has body issues. No matter what the circumstances. And sometimes things just click and you realize that everyone really IS different and made differently. Your body is the way it is for a reason.
Also, thank you for the new pandora station. I am listening to it and I really do feel motivated. Motivated to do yoga. Weird? No. Cool. Yes. :)
Whatever, you look fantastic! :-) I am DREADING trying on swimsuits... I always do. But more so now that I had my son 8 weeks ago. Ugh.
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